Huntington Library has a lily pond. And a Australian outback. And a desert. And a Japan. And a China. And a paintings. And a books. And a Mollie.
@selashiloniphoto got me topless again. This time in neon and demonstrating strength. I’m calling it, the mustache is a game changer. More photos in the next @fridaymag. #strength #rawpower #getoutofmyroomDAD
More like King Of The Panels, amirite? I’ll see myself out...
I promise I’m in this movie. Go see the full trailer online. It’s BALLER.
You know what I always say, I keep getting older and these chips keep staying the same age. All right all right all right. Balboa Theater threw a bag of Ruffles Jalapeño Ranch into the mix. I saw that spicy green pepper on the front and said “Oooo daddy, me want.” I like spice. Ruffles makes what I call a soft crunch chip. Some people turn their nose at it. Not me. I like hard crunch, I like soft crunch, and I like Canadian children’s storyteller Robert Munsch. Didn’t like the ranch. It kind of messed up my jalapeño vibe. Now there might be some real Ranch Heads out there who live for the dang stuff. Ben loved these. But he doesn’t write the reviews. Still not bad. B. Btw, mirrors have ghosts in them now? Lolz what a day. #middleditchandschwartz
Been drawing more fantasy characters because...just because, I guess. This is Oleus Dawnbreaker, half-elf teen warlock for a DnD campaign me and the Dice Squad are about to start. Playing pretend while sitting in my sweatpants eating chips? Yes. PLEASE. #itsstillrealtomedammit
My friend Chris @imatalkinghead knows I’m a big history dork and aviation nut and asked me if I had any favorite planes or stories to inspire a new piece of artwork. I told him about the last US torpedo mission when Skyraiders took out the Hwachon Dam during the Korean War. Then I get this in the mail printed on big card stock. I just got everything I wanted from Comicon and I haven’t even left for San Diego yet.
The dearest of pals. Happy we all got to slide back into Nelson. Congrats, Robyn and Andrew. Left to right we have Mr. Greezy, Mr. Smellcock, Cash Box, l’Aliquenne, and Mr. Inchpractice. Drama kids will be drama kids. #theboards #techweekwashell
One of my best friends, director @voteroberts was attacked in a nightclub in Vietnam. The GQ article that just came out is a recap of the craziness that followed. Glad you're still kicking, Jordan. No bad ideas, but can I please play Billy Tran in the movie?
Who knows you better than family? Visiting my hometown Nelson, BC is sweet for many reasons. But this...this is Vin Diesel whispering "family" into my ear while an army of beavers wave the Canadian flag in front of an unplugged studio session of The Tragically Hip. I can't make this an official review. I just can't. I'm not performing a show with little Benny Boy. But dammit if I can't show the world the bar to which I'm comparing every chip I ever get. You have three of the best flavors in the world in front of you. Ruffles All Dressed. I mean, @ruffles, you need a spokesman, I need another commercial campaign because I just don't have enough exposure at the moment, let's talk. And Old Dutch Ketchup flavored chips? Yes, they give you pimples, there's a weird chemistry that goes on where it's kind of guaranteed, but it is a small price to pay. And then you've got Salt n Vinegar. There's not a brand out there that makes a bad SnV, it's impossible. What a feast. This is how you chip. This is why we beat the Germans in 18 and again in 45. *salute* *single tear*
Over ten years ago I used to do comedy on a cruise ship, as part of The Second City. After one of the shows this last tour someone came up to me and said, I saw you perform at sea! What a lovely little full circle moment.
San Diego, July 20th, two goofs perform spoofs, come woof.
Meatloaf the dog is the older of my two sweet creatures. She's got a bit of nerve damage so her hind legs are a little weak and she wets herself so she needs a dipey but god DAMN she looks cozy as fuuuuuuck right now. Also she says "congrats England, the Middleditch home is with you." Weird. Should've done a video because my dog just spoke.
Trocadero Theater here in Philly took a shot with a chips and dip scenario. Herr's Blue Corn Tortilla chips along with Herr's Chunky Salsa, Mild edition. Fuck it. I'll bend the rules because it's a rock 'n roll venue and I can keep things Thrasher if I have to. First, I gotta clear the air after the absolute meltdown that my friends in The Thirteen Colonies had after my last Utz review. 1) These are reviews of chips provided by venues on the SMASH HIT Middleditch And Schwartz Worldwide International Tour. I've got chip companies sliding into my DMs every day, begging me to take their bags. Just BEGGING. But I don't take bribes. I exclusively review chips under a very strict set of parameters. 2) These reviews are completely based on my personal taste and thus should be considered biased AF. I have my favorites, and guess what...I pick 'em. Now, let's get back to either praising or slandering bags of chips based on extremely unfair criteria. First, I did the chip by itself. Standard. Appreciated the detail of sea salt but come on, if you're sitting there eating plain tortilla chips you're either on your first run-through of Pillars Of Eternity 2 or recently divorced. With the salsa, they pick up a notch, but only a little due to the fact that the spice level is Mild. I mean...who the fuck, other than children, gets mild salsa? Granted, that's more a reflection on who bought the snacks and not the salsa itself, but listen to me -- I review under the guidelines I'm given. By me. C+ and btw, is dat lyk a gos er sumpin? #middleditchandschwartz
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Sixth and I in DC laid out a few options. The promoter pointed to the bag of "Crab Chips"?? by Utz and said "this is the local flavor." Very nice, I thought. When in Rome, I thought. Know what I think now? Why won't the gross taste of these chips leave my goddamn mouth? They're a weird mix of bitter spice that isn't even spicy it's just off. It's old somehow. So they dusted heavily (a plus under normal circumstances) with rotten spice and somehow have the gall to tell me this is supposed to remind me of the sweetest most delicate bug of the sea? I've had sea bugs. If someone put this seasoning on my sea bug I would lose it, and after ten minutes of flipping out I'd point to the butter and say "THAT's how you bake a pie, mother fucker!!" And everyone would look at each other, like "I think Middleditch said the wrong thing there." And they would be right. But it wouldn't matter, because the video would be viral at that point, or maybe not because let's be honest, no one would care, #middleWHO? Am I right? I know Utz makes good chips. I've had them. This one may be for other people but imma give it a C-. Btw, anyone notice a Kreepr behind me? So weird. Huh. Lolz I guess. #middleditchandschwartz
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