Zoom zoom. 🤫
“If you don’t see this show, Slender Man will get you.” — Someone
Btw. Mr. Bones from #danielfromsl on YouTube is such good Internet. One of my fav Internets. “I want to get off your wild ride.” It’s a classic.
“Look at me, Drew. WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT MEEEEEE?????!!!!”
This last summer at a wedding in Nelson with my wife and lifelong friends some bubbly was brought out and without skipping a beat I said “Jesse, pop the cork into my butt.” He did. It was weird. Confusingly erotic. I had a wet butt afterwards. But as long as my friends laughed I didn’t care. All I care about is making the people I love either smile or shudder in disgust.
As many of you know, I’m working with Verizon. They’re doing this Verizon Innovative Learning program which gives free tech, free internet, and tech-based curriculums to schools around the country— wait, curricula? I had to look it up. It says both are accepted. Awww, that’s nice.
LA friends. Come to @largolosangeles this Saturday. Two shows. Get them tickets while you can and we can do plenty more patented “I switched the names on purpose” bits. V v v funny.
My uncle, dear ol’ Morton Middleditch, has written his third book in an edgy suspense trilogy featuring a gun 👏 on 👏 every 👏 cover. So you KNOW the danger is real. Self-published (the hustle is real too). Find it on Amazon. Today is the day we push to get @jasonstatham to take a serious look at the movie rights. That is, if he’s got the guts to peer into the mind of retired Chief Executive of SPAR Food Group, Morton “GnT” Middleditch. Go to Amazon. Search the titles. Buy them and read them and make my uncle beam with pride. And Jason...when you find your nuts, WME is expecting your call. Seriously very proud. Well done.
He kept demanding that we get closer to the camera. Really adamant about it. #Repost @kumailn ・・・ A very good #Emmys picture I took of me and @tombini. Also, some hands.
One of us. One of us.
I have fancy clothes on and feel completely normal and at ease thank you. #emmys2018
You can host my Kuato anytime, Marshall.
Last night was great. I’d never been to a night of wrestling where the owner gets people fired up about recycling and voting in elections before the matches. PWG, baby.
Well done, Jerry. #sendit
Btw, because people always ask, Ben and I do shows almost every month in LA at the Largo theater. Go to largo-la.com for the schedule.
Look at all these shows! Phoenix, SF, Atlanta, Austin. More to come. Go to middleditchandschwartz.com for tickets. Let’s all be silly friends who giggle. Presale code: GOOFS
Today I flew in an Osprey. I like turtles. And also...I like ospreys.
Getting the JTAC simulator demonstrated at Hurlburt Field by Tech Sgt. Dick Hunter. #sendit