Celebrating incredible news tonight. January 1st I wrote down something I was going to accomplish this year. Today the contracts came in and I'm thrilled to share the good news next week. This one is for you mom!
Have a very sophisticated holiday time!
I miss my mom today so much it hurts. I'm so happy that I would randomly save her voicemails before she passed away. I love you mom thank you for believing in me thank you for giving me life.
I also created a few other stinky candles. Long Lines That's My Fucking Parking Space Bitch Whatever Under The Stove Asshole In July
When @evanrachelwood aka Dolores aka Wyatt aka Westworld Hostess with the Mostess dubsmashes you better than you do it yourself. #ididmybest
Last night Nick Cannon wore this shit. He put this on his head and he looked in a mirror and he walked away from the mirror without saying to himself, "Hey self mayyyyyybe I shouldn't look like Zoltan and wear a fuhhhhhking pink turban with one of the infinity stones from Avengers on it." He went outside and people didn't stop him and say "Nick Cannon from Americas Best Talents Competition we love you so please remove that from your head please and thank you." He wore a matching tie and bottom lip lipstick too to match this horrific clothing mistake x10000. This pic makes me so frustrated that I want to delete it already and I think I will because this makes me want to quit Instagram. Don't get me wrong Nick is a good guy and he and I go way back but I'm gonna have to call Nick out here and say he Cannon't wear this fuuuuucking thing again. I just opened my fridge and randomly punched into it in utter disbelief. I also just called hammered a nail into my own tire so I could walk into the woods off the side of a rural highway to spit on a birds nest. Ahhhh I've been ranting since my Voice of Doom 12 years ago on my website. Follow meeeeeeeee. Hahahaahhaah
The gym done almost killt me today.
Meet my new friend Lily!
#flaxmaster after #equinox after #patriots victory before #codenames before #westworld before #battlefield1 All on #sundayfunday before #makeithappenmonday
REPOST FROM @vinnyfasline #tbt to our blood drive last year. @DaneCook and I met some great kids like Vincent pictured here. He is fighting Leukemia and he is very inspiring... We have another blood drive this weekend at Children's Hospital LA and these kids need your help. Go to my last photo to find the links and sign up to donate. Please help make a difference. Thanks guys love you all.
#tbt to 9th grade in Arlington, Massachusetts and a pivotal year i my life. A year that put everything that I dreamed of into the realm of actuality. This song was playing on the bus to Minuteman Tech High School in Lexington when my balls grew a little and I was to ride home that day with a new plan but let's back up to when my balls were smaller. My parents were always supportive but concerned. Worried that I didn't have a path to being able to take care of myself after high school ended. They asked me to go to MTHS to learn a trade, it was after all a vocational tech establishment and there a kid could learn about air conditioners or agriculture or cooking. In other words if you didn't have the grades and were not scholastics you could go here and learn a trade. So I went. I was miserable. I had no friends because I was such an introvert. I would go and sit in my classes just daydreaming about adventure and seeing the world. I think my first cognitive thought about "who I was" was a wanderer. I wondered if I could get paid to wander and observe (little did I know that was exactly my life ahead). I decided to give it my best and take a computer class. I took a liking to computers and we played around with something called Photoshop (they too would have quite a career ahead) and I learned how to make an outline of a circle turn solid and fill it in with different color. I also learned something about vectors , layers & fonts. I excelled in this class and made my first flier for my first gig years later with the knowledge I gathered in my computer class. One day I rode the bus home and was listening to this song, "Livin On A Prayer" and allowed the words to wash over me. "ohhhh we're halfway there, ohhhh livin' on a prayer." It occurred to me I wasn't even halfway to livin' anywhere except my moms basement forever.. and to boot I didn't really pray so I was really nowhere. I went home and told my mom I was switching to Arlington High School to take drama, creative writing and journalism. She was on board immediately. My mom was a future see'er and I knew it and she knew what I was gonna do the whole time. My dad on the other hand was no happy. He asked about
It's amazing to go back and watch Jim Carrey on In Living Color. His commitment is un-fucking-real. The voices, the mannerism & his physicality. The guy just owned any scene he was in. His range amazing too from this to Eternal Sunshine On A Spotless Mind. A great actor and just truly a gifted comedian. #legend
New creations in 2017 that will keep you entertained.
Patrice O'Neal we miss you man. I keep Bruisers hat that his beautiful mother Georgia gave to me in my office. Her and my mom would watch Patrice & I perform at the Comedy Connection when we were coming up. One of the best comedians I've ever shared the stage with.